And the Refrain Goes...

"I need a job first." "I can't until I get a paycheck." "No job, no food."

These are the refrains I have adopted to my boyfriend's suggestions. No, I can't play the new StarTrek beta because I have job applications piling up. No, I can't run to the grocery store on my way back. I can't afford to. No, I can't go with you to the beach tomorrow. I can't justify sitting on the sand when bills are piling up. 

Ugh, unemployment is a complete strain on our relationship. I wonder if we were both employed if this would be as tough as it is. I feel completely guilty about going out with friends. I spent $15 the other night. The panic attack that ensued there after was so bad I almost had to go to the ER. My boyfriend has always been incredibly understanding about this, however, we need groceries. We need toilet paper. We need basic items and I can not contribute. If I do run over to a friend's place, it would make sense and help out a lot of if I could just run an errand or two. (Especially since we live in the suburbs and have only one car).  Yet I can't contribute. I am dependent on him, more and more as time goes on.

I am ready for a job. In fact, I have been ready since May 2009. Ok. So if I don't get a job by the end of next week I am off to the recruiter's office.