Norah Jones Saved Me Today.

Music documents my life. Doesn't it document everyone's life? The beautiful thing about music is that the affect can change over years. At one point a song can stand for complete confusion. At another point in time it can be a soothing influence. Then, years down the road it becomes something of a memory on its own. Divorced from the original emotion.

I listen to music more than I should. My thesis is a direct effect of my addiction to records. Instead of writing a chapter, I would find the penultimate moment on the Queen II record. Many of my more impulsive memories are directly linked to specific songs. When I reflect back on those moments, I no longer hear dialogue as much as I hear a specific soundtrack.  Nights driving in the country are no longer filled with lame jokes and gossip, but Norah Jones' melodic Come Away With Me album. The shouting and screaming while jumping off the cliff at Red Rock, and the pain thereafter, have been replaced with Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire. "  Warp Tour 2003- "When I Touch Myself" by the Divinyls (long story involving construction workers).  

During those moments, those songs had a completely different meaning. Often times I was merely addicted to the song. Or more frequently, it was playing on the radio.  Now some songs have so much emotional charge that if I hear them on the radio or in the mall, I stop and slowly inhale. I just have to pause. Reflect and recall that friend I no longer talk to, or that boy I once loved.

Now, as I am on the breaking point, often it is music alone that can ease the panic attacks. Norah keeps my heart from leaping out of my chest. My iTunes is my most precious belonging. While prosac is dirt cheap, iTunes is free. Especially now as I seem to own fewer and fewer possessions my music collection keeps me going. Soon I will have to sell my record collection. I will be devastated that day, but if I can't find a job... I have bills to pay. At least I will still have Norah for the time being.