Like a Rolling Stone...

Having time off has been both a blessing and a bit of a curse. It has given me time to think long and hard about a lot of issues that I have been putting off. It is a bit of a curse because not working is causing me to have panic attacks. Just the thought of paying bills (a. k. a. using my limited savings account) makes my heart race. AH! Yet, I have been able to think long and hard about a lot of things. My relationship, my future, my career, ... everything. To date I have applied for about 20 jobs since I was laid off. I wonder if I will ever find anything.

It has been getting harder and harder everyday. Everyday new expenses come up... like food, gas, etc. Everyday I am reminded that I am CRASHING at my boyfriend's condo... that this is not my home anymore.  Soon he is going to move out of here, and it is "just understood" that I need to leave as soon as possible. To find a job, a place to live, AND move everything (I don't have a car) are becoming larger and larger challenges. He has offered to pay for my flight back to MN, to pay for storage (while he stores his belongings), and has lent his car to me when I needed it. He has not charged me to stay here. All in all he has been very kind about those things.

It is hard when you are homeless to even consider starting your career. I can't even fathom find a job in my field at the moment. I need to do an internship before I can realistically apply for a job. I have been applying for jobs that are not in my field. They only pay marginally above the minimum wage. But I am desperate for a job. I am desperate for a source of income so I can pay my bills. It's hard to swallow when a year ago things looked so promising. Right now I just need to think about how I am going to pay for rent, for food, for bills, etc. I need a good paying steady source of income. That is my top priority.

In the meantime, I have been looking at law schools (too expensive), Ph.D. programs (too expensive), and fellowships (not enough pay).  I am considering more and more about moving to Chicago. DePaul has an excellent law school that focuses on copyright/intellectual property/art law. It's kind of amazing actually. It's also kind of expensive. :(  I need to pay off my credit cards before I go to law school. That is priority one. I think I can do it in under a year. FINGERS CROSSED. Which leads me back to my top priority.

Tomorrow I have to call student loans, reply back to unemployment, go to various appointments, and apply for a ton more jobs. *sigh* Now if only the panic attacks will stop. Now if only I can feel for five seconds like a normal person, not like a homeless bum.

Now to post several belongings for sale, throw, pack, shower, play dress up, and print about 40 resumes!